


The First Lich on the Nice List

by The_Degu



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Candlenights, Canon Compliant, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Hurt/Comfort, I know its weird with crack but it works at the same time, but beyond some formatting stuff it isn't really, continuing my tradition of posting holiday fics at the completely wrong time, technically a
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-16
Updated: 2018-05-16
Packaged: 2019-05-07 16:04:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,789
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14674572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Degu/pseuds/The_Degu
Summary: when you think of people that become liches, you probably think of soul-sucking, completely evil, horrific monsters. not a guy that gets on Santa's good list





	The First Lich on the Nice List

**Author's Note:**

> This is based on a discussion from (https://tazdelightful.tumblr.com)'s stream and it got my mind working. just kind of a dumb thing thought would be fun to write, so here it is.

Year one

The man looks down to the paper in his hand double checking that he is in the right place.  Sure, it’s not the first time he’s been to a cave in the middle of nowhere, but he likes to make sure, especially if his information is accurate.  He sighs and casts his invisibility spell then heads in.

The man would be lying if he said the place didn’t give him the creeps. There is little light, and the dim green glow that fills the room comes from some sort of pod. A pod that holds a partially grown human form. He tries to swallow the lump in his throat, but he knows that he needs to deliver this package.

“who are you” an unearthly voice fills the air. “how did you find this cave?”

The man turns around to see a floating figure looking down at him. Though it is kind of hard to tell where it is looking due to it only having a skull for a face. The man tries not to feel afraid, but the hovering spirit is intimidating, to say the least.

“I'm here to deliver a gift,” the man says with a smile.

The floating figure turns his head to the side like a confused dog. “for what?”

“why it's Candlenights!” The man cheers, “don’t tell me you never celebrated before!”

The figure shakes its head. And floats down to the ground. The man would have to admit that it did make some amount of sense that this thing hasn’t heard of Candlenights, it has never been on his list so is kind of tracks.

“well,” the man starts, “since you did not make a list for me I didn’t quite know what to get for you. Though I still think you may find these things useful.”

The man digs out a box from his bag, the lich seeming to be somewhat nervous.  When the man finds what he is looking for, he holds out an elegantly wrapped box. No larger than a jewelry box, the smell of herbs and spices seem to float out of it and fill the room.

The man holds out the box, but the lich just stands there before saying “c-can you just put it on the bench there? I-I can’t really hold things right now…”

“yes of course…” the man says while placing the box on the bench. The lich just watches still seeming to be just as uncomfortable with this situation as the man is.

“well, I better be off,” the man says with a forced smile “make sure to write a list for next year, so I know what to bring you.”

“uh…” the lich says “yea, sure.”

* * *

 

Year two

The next year Barry knows what is coming on Candlelight’s, he read up on this World’s traditions. He made Taako’s mint-chip cookies. He bought a bush with the little he has, and he covered up the tank so that he didn’t freak out this ‘Santa’ again. He tried to write a list, but all he could think are the spell components that he got last year and maybe a new pair of jeans for when he gets his body back. Barry does feel at least a little anxious as he waits for the man to show up.

Midnight comes, and Barry can feel the shift in time.  The powerful magic seems to suffocate him.  He knows in the tradition that he should be asleep, but seeing as that is literally impossible for him, Barry just tries not to scare the guy as he walks in.

“Sildar, J. ‘Barry bluejeans’ Hallwinter” Santa says as he walks into the room. He seems less nervous this year which makes sense. He looks over the candlenights bush, and his smile brightens.

“I see you did some decorating this year,” Santa says with a chuckle.

“y-yea,” Barry says rubbing his neck, “and I made cookies.”

Santa places the present under the bush and takes one of the cookies off of the nearby platter. Santa looks to Barry and remarks with a sly smile “I thought you couldn’t hold things?”

“mage hand…” Barry shrugs “it took some time, but I hope they're okay.”

Santa bites off half of the cookie and hums in approval. “this is one of the best I’ve ever had.”

“I'm sure you tell that to everyone.”

“yes, but I mean it this time.

“well you have to thank my #######-##-### Taako”

“I'm sorry what was that,” Santa says while taking another bite. Barry just swears under his breath and replies “don’t worry about it, it’s just someone I used to know.”

Santa just gives a sad smile and nods, seeming to understand at least somewhat what Barry is going through. He gives a quick goodbye and heads out.

* * *

 

Year five

Barry wakes up to the sound of cheer and partying in the inn below. His head is throbbing, but the coin said that this will go away in another day or two. Although the sound of the merriment downstairs does little to help.

Going downstairs Barry finds the bar filled with smiling people. Most who are them giving gifts to one another. Others already deep into their drinks and some singing songs that Barry doesn’t know the words to.  Barry makes his way to the bar and sits down trying to get his head to stop throbbing for at least one moment.

“what will ya have stranger,” a rather plump halfling woman says over the bar.

“just some breakfast, whatever is cheapest,” Barry says clutching the sides of his head.

The bartender gives a gentle smile and starts heading to the back before Turing and asking, “what’s your name?”

“Barry, Barry Bluejeans” Barry says not quite understanding the question, but before he can ask for clarification, the woman is already gone.

It only takes a few minutes for the woman returns with one hand raised up with a platter filled with toast, sausage, and eggs.  Under her other arm, she is carrying a large package. The woman places the tray down, then the present.  Barry just looks at it for a moment then states “I can’t afford this…”

“pay what ya can,” the woman says with a shrug “its candlenights after all!”

She places the package next to the food, and again before Barry can ask, she is off attending to the other customers.  He eats first, just to make sure that the woman isn’t going to come back and take the gift, but when she doesn’t, he looks at the ribbon attached to the paper. Sure, enough on written on the label are the words “to: Sildar, J. ‘Barry Bluejeans’ Hallwinter” and “from: Santa”.

The box is large but not huge. It is wrapped in golden paper, and the ribbon is a denim color witch Barry appreciates. He glances around and sees that no one around him and sees that no one is paying attention to him. He sighs, slightly nervous, and starts opening the box.

At the very top of the box is a small sachet of spell components. Barry wonders briefly why someone gave him ingredients he can't use but is thankful nonetheless.

Under a piece of tissue paper that matches the ribbon is a single pair of blue jeans. While not his favorite brand the size and cut is right, and Barry can’t help but let a small smile cross his face when he pulls them out. He is so enamored with the jeans Barry nearly misses the last thing sitting on the bottom of the box.

Barry sets the jeans aside and pulls out the last item.  He can feel his breath hitch, and a lump in his throat form, but not know why.  It is just a sweater. In the style he usually wears, only it looks hand-knit, and the color is different.  It is a bright red, with a small amount of golden threading on the color and sleeves.

He doesn't know why, but just for a moment, Barry feels like he is home.

* * *

 

Year seven

Barry stands in the middle of his room. Literally elbows-deep in an experiment.  It is a device to power up a scrying spell, made of rings of copper and led. It looks like a big compass, mixed with a telescope.

Barry doesn’t want to get his hopes up, but finding this device was one of the best things to happen to him in quite a while.

“you didn’t set up the bush this year.”  A warm voice says behind Barry.  Barry jumps a bit, but he can’t stop what he is doing at the moment. 

“I was too busy,” Barry says over his shoulder “sorry…”

“it is fine Barrold,” Santa says placing his gift on the bench. He looks over to Barry and says almost sarcastically “I hope you aren’t making something that will take you off of the nice list. I like talking to you every year.”

“no. At least I hope not?” Barry says with as close to a chuckle he can get. He maneuvers a wire around a large pole and whispers an enchantment under his breath. his blue mage and flickers out and the device starts to hum.

Barry looks at the contraption, then leans into one of the lenses. He casts scrying and says Lup’s name.

Nothing, Just darkness.

“FUCK!”  Barry screams, he feels lightening tare off of his form. He takes what is equivalent to a deep breath and counts to ten, trying to keep his body together.

“are you alright?” Santa says behind him, bringing Barry back to reality.

“she-she was supposed to be there…” Barry says trying to stay calm “even- even if she is d-de”

“that alright, you can just try again,” Santa says behind Barry, his voice slightly shaky.

“she’s never there. No matter how hard I try ### is never there” Barry is starting to float up slightly, the red lightning is starting to crackle off of his body and strike the nearby ground.

“Maybe I can find her?” Santa says, “maybe two heads are better than one?”

Barry’s form settles somewhat, as he floats back down to the ground. He glances to Santa for the first time the old man has entered the cave. Even though he doesn’t have a face, Santa can tell that Barry is smiling.

“I doubt you can help” Barry starts “you can’t even understand when I say ###. Right?”

“well yes, but that doesn’t mean I cannot help! Tell me Barrold, how many pairs of jeans do you need?" Santa looks at the nearby chest that Barry keeps his clothes in. Then he vaguely gestures to the device and says "This is something you really want isn’t it? Well, I want to give you something you want.”

* * *

 

Year nine.

Barry looks at the long burnt-out campfire, The early morning sun not risen long enough for the bite of the night to die down. There is also a small amount of snow starting to dust the ground.

Barry huddles in his blankets and shivers as he tries to dig out his flint out of his bag with shaking hands. As he searches his fingers brush an unknown object in his backpack. Barry furrows his brow and digs out the strange object.

It is a single envelope made out of a beautiful, heavy, golden parchment. He doesn’t remember getting this, but maybe it is something the coin left for him? Hopefully, it is something to warm him up.

 It takes him a moment, but Barry eventually able to open the letter. The only thing he finds inside is a flyer for a traveling cooking show. The purple paper is covered with black lettering and filigree.  Then printed on the bottom is a tour schedule.

Barry pulls out a map from his bag and looks for what the best crossover might be.  He sees that the show will be in a town he is a week or two walk from. the sow they will be on not too long after as well. Barry sighs and gets his things together and starts on his way out.

“I guess I'm going to Glamorsprings then.”

 

* * *

Year twelve

“I know what I want this year” Barry says in his cave, Santa clause standing in front of him with a full-blown smile across his face. “it might be difficult, and I know you might not be able to go there, but I have some friends on the moon, and I want to give them this.”

Barry points to a small silver-wrapped package on his desk.

“on the moon, you say,” Santa says scratching his beard “you're right it is difficult getting there. that Bureau of balance hasn't gotten many presents over the past few years.”

“wait do you know about the bureau?” Barry asks.

Santa laughs, and says “as soon as they brought a child up there I looked into it, and that woman that runs the place drives a hard bargain.”

Barry snorts, “yea I know, she is… I don’t know…”

santa can see that Barry is getting uncomfortable, so he changes the subject. “now who will I be delivering this to?”

“uh… Magnus Burnsides, Merle Hightower Highchurch, and uh, Taako.”

Santa raises an eyebrow and looks at the gift then half mutters “those boys are always on the naughty list."

“yes,” Barry says trying not to laugh at that thought “but you delivering that gift isn’t for them, it’s for me.”

Santa sighs and runs his hand through his hair one last time then takes the small gift box and places it in his bag. Barry visibly relaxes. He floats over to Santa and nods.

Barry says almost under his breath, in a sensei tone that wavers for just a moment “thank you. You’ve been a good friend to me, and I don’t know how to repay you.”

Santa just smiles and nods “Barry, I have to tell you something. After all my years doing this job, you were the first lich to ever be on the nice list.  I looked back to people that had my title before me as well, and as far as I can tell, you're the first that ever existed. And that is not something to sneeze at. Barry, I can tell you’ve been through a lot, and you deserve so much more then you’ve been given, so if I can do this one thing for a man that life has screwed over. Let this be it.”

* * *

 

Year thirteen

It is an actual house this time, it has a chimney and everything. Santa any help but feel a glow of joy burn in his chest. He makes his way down and into the house, and into the living room. The house is dark, quiet, and warm, the candlenights bush is decorated, and a few gifts already surround it. Even though the bush is trimmed with all the love and care only a few households seem to be able to create, it doesn’t compare to the scene before him.

Almost all of the seven birds are sprawled out across couches chairs. Magnus lays on the floor, using a massive dog as a pillow, and a rug as a blanket.  Davenport is curled in a corner on one of the couches, tucked deeply into a quilt. Merle is sitting hunched over next to Davenport, holding the hands of his kids. Taako and Kravitz sit tangled in each other on a lay-z-boy, limbs sprawled in any direction. Lucretia is sitting on a rocking chair, with her head rested on her hand and a book laying on her lap. Then Barry is laying across the other couches with his legs dangling over the end, Angus tucked protectively under one of his arms. 

They are all sound asleep as Santa looks on. He starts placing the gifts under the bush one by one, making sure to keep the aesthetic of the gifts already sitting there.  He is almost done when a gentle red light fills the room.  Santa finishes placing the last present before turning to look at the person.

It is another lich, much like Barry, but thinner and taller.  Santa instantly knows who it is. Even if he didn’t get a hundred years of memory pumped into his mind, he would have known the woman is standing before him.

"Well, it is nice to finally meet you," Santa says with a chuckle, "Barry told me a lot about you."

The lich just stands there for a moment as if just taking Santa in. She looks over to her family who are all still sound asleep.

“Taako’s not going to fuckin believe this” Lup says under her breath “Barry wasn’t bullshiting us after all.”

**Author's Note:**

> and then THB go and fucken kill the guy...  
> thanks as always for reading my work. Especially this dumb thing.  
> if you want you can come and say hi on my Tumblr, thedegu.tumblr.com  
> or maybe buy me a tea? at Ko-fi.com/D1D3894A


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